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  • Writer's pictureBeryl Williams

Why "Daddy's Little Girls"?

Updated: Mar 27, 2019

Several years ago, I was deeply impacted by the book entitled "Healing the Child Within" by Charles L. Whitfield M.D. This book summarizes it's concept in the following way:

"The Child Within refers to that part of each of us which is ultimately alive, energetic, creative and fulfilled; it is our Real Self - who we truly are. Another description: who we are when we feel most authentic, genuine or spirited.

Our Real Self is spontaneous, expansive, loving, giving and communicating. Our True Self accepts ourselves and others. It feels, whether the feelings may be joyful or painful. And it expresses those feelings. Our Real Self accepts our feelings without judgment and fear, and allows them to exist as a valid way of assessing and appreciating life's events.

Our Child Within is expressive, assertive and creative. It can be childlike in the highest, and most mature sense of the word. It needs to play and to have fun. And yet it is vulnerable, perhaps because it is so open and trusting. It surrenders to itself, to others and ultimately to God. And yet it is powerful in the true sense of power. It is healthily self-indulgent, taking pleasure in receiving and in being nurtured. By being real, it is free to grow.

When we are our True Self, we feel alive. Overall, we tend to feel current, complete, finished, appropriate, real, whole and sane. Our Child Within flows naturally from the time we are born to the time that we die and during all of our times and transitions in between. We don't have to do anything to be our True Self. It just is. If we simply let it be, it will express itself with no particular effort on our part. Indeed, any effort is usually in denying our awareness and expression of it.

With our parents' unknowing help and society's assistance, most of us deny our Inner Child. When this Child Within is not nurtured or allowed freedom of expression, a false or co-dependent self emerges. We begin to live our lives from a victim stance, and experience difficulties in resolving emotional traumas. The gradual accumulation of unfinished mental and emotional business can lead to chronic anxiety, fear, confusion, emptiness and unhappiness.

Denial of the Child Within and the subsequent emergence of a co-dependent self are particularly common among children and adults who grew up in troubled or abusive families.

Our False or Co-dependent Self feels uncomfortable, strained or unauthentic. Our False Self is a cover-up. It is inhibited, contracting and fearful. It is our egocentric ego and super-ego, forever planning and plodding, continually selfish and withholding. It is envious, critical, idealized, blaming, shaming and perfectionistic.

Alienated from the True Self, our false self is other-orientated, i.e., focuses on what it thinks others want it to be; it is over-conforming. It gives its love only conditionally. It covers up, hides or denies feelings. Rather than being appropriately assertive - for the Real Self - it is often either inappropriately aggressive and/or passive. Because our co-dependent self needs to withdraw and to be in control, it sacrifices nurturing or being nurtured. It cannot surrender. It is our public self who we think others and eventually even we think we should be.

Paradoxically, we often feel like this false self is our natural state, the way we "should be." We become so accustomed to being our co-dependent self that our Real Self feels guilty, like something is wrong, that we shouldn't feel real and alive. To consider changing this problem is frightening."

And yet, all of this said about our False Self....."it appears to be universal among humans"....while it can be so destructive to self, others and intimate relationships, including THE most important relationship....our relationship with our Heavenly Father or our "Daddy." 

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