I know that when I have been struggling just to get through each day, the thought of reading a book has been overwhelming. So, I thought I would slowly go through the book that I have already given excerpts from, “Healing the Child Within” by Charles L. Whitfield, MD.
I know that I still struggle with co-dependency at times and have wondered where in my childhood it comes from. Well, the answer is in this book and is VERY interesting to me.
“The genesis of co-dependence begins by the repression of our observations, feelings and reactions. Usually early in this process we begin to deny a family secret or another secret. Because we focus so much on the needs of others, we begin to neglect our own needs and by do doing we stifle our Child Within. But, we still have feelings, often of hurt. Since we continue to stuff our feelings, we become increasingly tolerant of emotional pain. We often become numb. And because we stuff our feelings, we are unable to grieve our everyday losses to completion.
All of the above blocks our growth and development in the mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of our being. But we have a desire to contact and know our True Self. We learn that “quick fixes” such as compulsive behaviors will allow us to glimpse our True Self and will let off some of the tension. However, if the compulsive behavior is destructive to us or to others, we may feel shame and a resulting lower self-esteem. At this point we may begin to feel more and more out of control and we try to compensate by the need to control even more. We may end up deluded and hurt and often project our pain onto others.”
I hope that this made as much sense to you, as it does to me. I see so many applications of it in my own childhood and it also helps me to avoid thinking I am crazy in my struggles. Aside from my abuse (which is really not an “aside”) my mother was chronically ill all my life and I started to look after her when I was 8 years old. So, thinking of someone else’s feelings aside from my own, became a way of life for me. I also was raised in a high-performance environment, both from my parent’s perspective as well as being a Jehovah’s Witness. And then add on my sexual, physical, emotional and spiritual abuse. So, I come by my co-dependent struggles honestly.
This book is focused on healing co-dependent behaviors and other effects of abuse. I will be sharing these things in a God-centered fashion. It is my prayer that you will be able to apply what you read here and that you will begin to feel it’s healing affects to your heart and your life.